Episode 22
Why You Don’t Feel Successful Yet And How to Change That
Are you constantly chasing success in your coaching business but never quite feeling like you’ve arrived?
In this episode of The Solo Coach Podcast, we’re diving into why coaches often feel stuck in the cycle of "I should be there by now" and how to reframe your mindset for real, lasting progress.
If you’ve ever felt impatient, frustrated, or defeated by how far you think you have to go, this episode is for you. We’ll explore:
● Why your brain is wired to spot gaps, not growth
● The danger of moving goalposts in your coaching journey
● How to redefine success to fuel momentum and motivation
As a solo coach building a sustainable business, this episode will empower you to shift from chasing success to recognizing and building on it every day.
What You’ll Learn:
● How to stop eroding your confidence by focusing on what’s missing
● Practical mind management tasks to track and celebrate real growth
● Why recognizing private resilience matters more than public wins
Resources Mentioned:
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Join my Mastermind: Happy & Successful
Visit my website: The ElevatedMind
Support the Show:
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your feedback helps other solo coaches discover the show and grow their businesses too.
Transcript
Let me ask you a question.
Speaker:Are you feeling unsuccessful as a coach?
Speaker:Well, if so, you need to hear this
Speaker:Now, one of the things that I hear very, very often from coaches and clients
Speaker:is I just want to be there already.
Speaker:I just want to be successful.
Speaker:I want to have the clients rolling in.
Speaker:And of course you do. I do.
Speaker:We've all been in that place and we'll all be in that place again because
Speaker:it's a very common thinking spot we get stuck in.
Speaker:So if you're building a coaching business and you're constantly thinking, I just
Speaker:want to be there already, there meaning successful.
Speaker:You know, the clients, the income and the freedom, I'm not so sure that you're
Speaker:going to notice it when you reach it.
Speaker:Here's why.
Speaker:Impatience with success is something almost every coach wrestles with at some
Speaker:point, and they rarely see it when it arrives.
Speaker:You will reach a certain level of growth and the goalpost changes,
Speaker:and then you will have the thoughts again.
Speaker:I wish I was there already, right?
Speaker:I wish I was successful.
Speaker:Because you've changed the definition of success.
Speaker:And chances are, depending on where you are in your coaching business.
Speaker:Like if you are, you know, brand new, just getting started,
Speaker:if you're in the first one to three years, you're probably having
Speaker:these thoughts a lot.
Speaker:And a big part of the problem is that you need to look at
Speaker:your definition of success.
Speaker:So one of my clients recently had a conversation with me about this and,
Speaker:you know, it hit me how common and really sneaky this feeling is.
Speaker:And it can be also very destructive because it undermines, kind of eats away,
Speaker:erodes the work you're doing now, all of the hard work you're putting
Speaker:into building a coaching business, this thought I wish I was there already
Speaker:is erodes it when you're focused on how far you have
Speaker:to go rather than where you're at, right.
Speaker:It can make you feel stuck in your business.
Speaker:And even, even if you're making progress, you probably aren't recognizing it.
Speaker:Worse, it can drain your energy and leave you feeling defeated and like
Speaker:you're not making it right.
Speaker:Making it in quotes.
Speaker:Here's what most coaches miss.
Speaker:Your brain is designed to spot gaps, not growth.
Speaker:So you're growing, you're just not recognizing.
Speaker:Took me quite a long time of being super frustrated and stuck in
Speaker:that thought pattern to come across some reframes and perspectives
Speaker:that help me to see and understanding what's going on in the BR
Speaker:to see what was actually happening and that I was actually creating a whole lot
Speaker:of momentum, a whole lot of progress and growing my business.
Speaker:I just wasn't seeing it.
Speaker:And so I was destroying the, essentially the progress I was
Speaker:making, by the way I was thinking, if that makes sense.
Speaker:So again, your brain is designed to spot gaps, not growth, okay?
Speaker:So you are growing, you're just not seeing it because essentially your
Speaker:brain isn't letting you see it.
Speaker:So let's dig a little bit deeper into this, okay?
Speaker:Because this is really, really important.
Speaker:Success in business isn't a destination, it's a moving target.
Speaker:Now, I apologize ahead of time if some of this sounds like
Speaker:a motivational poster that you see in the halls of some corporate office or in the
Speaker:elevator or the lobby or I apologize.
Speaker:But you know, it's true.
Speaker:And so it's need, it needs to be said.
Speaker:Success in business isn't a destination, it is a moving target.
Speaker:Because as I said earlier, just as you reach one goal post, your
Speaker:brain is going to move it immediately. So you don't.
Speaker:Even if you don't consciously take the time to celebrate reaching
Speaker:a goal post right, then you'll never acknowledge it and
Speaker:you'll just feel like you're always chasing the next one because your brain
Speaker:has already gone ahead and moved forward to the next one.
Speaker:Here's something really frustrating, but freeing at the same time.
Speaker:There is no final there in business.
Speaker:Let me say it again.
Speaker:There is no final there, meaning you got there in business.
Speaker:It just doesn't exist.
Speaker:Success isn't a single milestone you reach and stay at forever.
Speaker:As soon as you hit one goal, new ones appear.
Speaker:And that's a really good thing, right?
Speaker:That's part of growth.
Speaker:But think about that for a moment, like really pause,
Speaker:you know, I know that this sounds like a lot of like, motivational stuff, but I
Speaker:want you to pause and really think about this statement
Speaker:that, you know, success is not where you reach one milestone, one goal,
Speaker:and you stay there forever.
Speaker:As soon as you hit one, another one appears.
Speaker:And that's a good thing, right?
Speaker:Because who wants to stay in one place forever?
Speaker:We're always growing, we're always learning, we're always achieving more,
Speaker:coming up with new ideas, you know, going after something even bigger.
Speaker:Growth always creates new points to reach or you'd never grow further.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:It would just be nice to recognize the growth before the goalpost is removed.
Speaker:Just as I said earlier, like, because of what happens in the brain when we reach a
Speaker:goal, it's rare that we pause and acknowledge that we reached the
Speaker:goal and recognize everything that we've created to get to that goal
Speaker:and everything that we've done.
Speaker:More often than not, what happens in the brain, as I said, is the goalpost is moved
Speaker:and you move on and you still feel that yearning of I'm not there yet, right?
Speaker:And so you've just missed it totally.
Speaker:So if having said that, right, that there's always these new points and that's
Speaker:part of growth, but we have to, as the human being, consciously override
Speaker:the nature of our brain and pause and say, wait, wait a minute, let me look
Speaker:and see what I've actually achieved.
Speaker:Let me acknowledge having reached this goal and how good that really feels
Speaker:and then move on.
Speaker:If your happiness depends on getting to a specific revenue number or a client count
Speaker:or a lifestyle marker, chances are you're going to always
Speaker:feel like you're not really making it.
Speaker:Okay?
Speaker:So I want you to be really careful as what you set as your goals.
Speaker:It's one thing from a manifesting perspective to envision
Speaker:a goal or a certain level in your business.
Speaker:And what I want you to really focus on in respect to that is what it feels
Speaker:like to be in this place, right?
Speaker:So if I have a goal to have X amount of clients, I would focus on what it feels
Speaker:like working with all of these clients.
Speaker:How good that feels, how, how I feel like I've just really
Speaker:achieved a certain level of expertise, right?
Speaker:I'm going to get into how that feels.
Speaker:That's what I would rather that you focus on.
Speaker:Success in business is about learning, implementing and becoming,
Speaker:not just arriving.
Speaker:Okay?
Speaker:So remember, success is really about implementing, learning,
Speaker:implementing and becoming.
Speaker:Learning, implementing and becoming.
Speaker:It's this ever repeating process.
Speaker:It's kind of like if you think of it as a spiral, right?
Speaker:Like we're kind of going through the same steps.
Speaker:We're learning, we're implementing and we are becoming, but we're up
Speaker:higher on the spiral, right?
Speaker:So we're going to do it again.
Speaker:We're learning, implementing and becoming, but we're higher up on the spiral.
Speaker:That is success.
Speaker:That is part of my definition of success.
Speaker:So I want to give you some mind management tasks to help you with this
Speaker:because this is so very crucial.
Speaker:And here's, here's why.
Speaker:It's so very crucial.
Speaker:If you are not able to manage your mind around this, this, this thought,
Speaker:this eroding thought, right?
Speaker:I wish I could be there already.
Speaker:I wish I was successful already.
Speaker:I wish I had the clients already, then it is going to be very damaging to
Speaker:everything that you have done so far.
Speaker:And more often than not, what happens is that erosion occurs over and over and
Speaker:over again and you end up giving up.
Speaker:And I want to talk about that more in just a little bit.
Speaker:Okay?
Speaker:And that's the last thing that I want to happen for you.
Speaker:That's the last thing that I want you to do.
Speaker:So just being able to manage this aspect of your mind around this thought
Speaker:and understanding that it's something that our brain does, but we don't have to be
Speaker:ruled by it, you can save future you a whole lot of heartache.
Speaker:And we're going to.
Speaker:Again, we're going to talk about that more in just a minute.
Speaker:So this first mind management task is instead of thinking, I'm not there yet,
Speaker:ask yourself, how far have I already come in my business?
Speaker:How far?
Speaker:Think about from the very at the point that it was just a thought,
Speaker:that your business was just a thought, just a what if, right?
Speaker:How far have you come from there?
Speaker:Next, focusing on what is missing makes you feel more stuck in your business.
Speaker:And again, this is the nature of our brains, right?
Speaker:As I said earlier, it is going to notice the gaps, not the growth.
Speaker:So naturally you're going to be focusing on what's missing rather
Speaker:than everything you've done.
Speaker:When you obsess over what you don't have yet, like the clients that you want or the
Speaker:revenue that you're not hitting, you unknowingly shift your
Speaker:brain into scarcity mode.
Speaker:It's a setup for burnout 100%.
Speaker:Even worse, you stop noticing all the business momentum that you have built.
Speaker:So the network that you're growing, the new skills that you're mastering, the
Speaker:small wins that are quietly stacking up, it's a process.
Speaker:It's part of building a business.
Speaker:If you're always focused on the gap between where you are and where you want
Speaker:to be, the scarcity you're missing, the growth that's happening right under your
Speaker:nose and you are taking away from future you.
Speaker:Here's mind management task number two.
Speaker:Try asking, what have I built so far that my past self would be really proud of?
Speaker:I love that.
Speaker:What have I built so far that my past self would be really proud of?
Speaker:You're already more successful than you realize.
Speaker:Again, it comes down to your definition of success.
Speaker:Society and certainly marketing has taught us that success is just this
Speaker:one very narrow definition.
Speaker:And in actuality, it's not at all right.
Speaker:Here's a reframe Most coaches need to hear.
Speaker:You are already successful in ways that you're totally overlooking.
Speaker:Success isn't just about public wins.
Speaker:Remember, it's not just about public wins.
Speaker:It's about private resilience.
Speaker:It's about how many times you've stood back up after falling.
Speaker:And by falling, I mean those days that felt so hard and frustrating, or when you
Speaker:launched something that didn't go as well as you had hoped, or you set a goal for
Speaker:yourself to get something created and built or to start taking action on a
Speaker:visibility plan and you haven't done it yet, but yet you still get
Speaker:back up and you keep going.
Speaker:That is private resilience, and that is more in line with the definition
Speaker:of success than any public wins.
Speaker:How often you've done hard things when no one is watching, Right?
Speaker:Think about that.
Speaker:Like, how often have you done hard things when no one is watching?
Speaker:I feel like I do hard things on a daily basis.
Speaker:When it comes to building and growing my business, there is so much
Speaker:that feels so very hard.
Speaker:It's probably really not right.
Speaker:That's just what I'm building it up in my head.
Speaker:And I'm sure you've probably experienced that, too, but that's an
Speaker:important thing to recognize.
Speaker:Building a business is not an overnight thing.
Speaker:It's not a follow the steps and then, boom, you're done.
Speaker:Your coaching business, it has been grown.
Speaker:Now just water it every now and then and you're good.
Speaker:Right? It's.
Speaker:That's not the way it works.
Speaker:No.
Speaker:It's more like building a structure brick by brick.
Speaker:It's going to take some time. Absolutely.
Speaker:And it's going to take some trust.
Speaker:Trust in yourself and steady effort.
Speaker:You know, you're not afraid of doing the hard work.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:And a whole lot of high vibrations keeping your mind managed, tapping into your power
Speaker:to create, protecting your mental energy.
Speaker:So showing up when no one's cheering, that's success.
Speaker:Staying committed through slow times, slow seasons, that's success.
Speaker:Building something meaningful even when results aren't instant.
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:That's success.
Speaker:When you expand your definition of what it means to be successful in business, you
Speaker:realize that you're not failing you, you're building.
Speaker:And that is a necessity.
Speaker:You can't get over there, whatever there is, without building here and now.
Speaker:No matter whether you're seeing some Kind of public win or instant result or not.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Let me give you mind management tip number three.
Speaker:Ask yourself, what am I building and showing up for now
Speaker:that's going to make future me so happy?
Speaker:Because she's experiencing the payoff.
Speaker:I love this because it's a way, you know, it's hard for us as human beings.
Speaker:We all want that instant gratification and it can be really hard, especially in
Speaker:building a coaching business, to, you know, keep telling yourself that this
Speaker:is going to pay off at some point in time.
Speaker:But like anything that you've ever done, let's say that you were
Speaker:strength training, like trying to build some base basic strength in your body.
Speaker:And it's really hard and difficult in the.
Speaker:In the very beginning.
Speaker:Very hard and difficult.
Speaker:And yet you know that if you just keep at it, future you, especially
Speaker:older you, is going to be so very grateful that you did because it
Speaker:changes quality of life.
Speaker:Then I want you to think about your business in the same way.
Speaker:Everything that you're doing now, all of the hard work that you're putting in now
Speaker:and the consistent effort and the getting up and doing it again, even when you're
Speaker:not seeing a ton of results coming your way yet, future you is going to experience
Speaker:the results from the effort that you're putting in now.
Speaker:Protect her.
Speaker:Protect future you.
Speaker:She's going to be experiencing the payoff and that's going to feel so
Speaker:incredible when you get there.
Speaker:But don't give up now, right?
Speaker:Understand that it will come.
Speaker:You just need to keep at it.
Speaker:So again, ask yourself, what am I building and showing up for right now that future
Speaker:me is going to be so happy for because she's experiencing the payoff?
Speaker:Decide that you're successful now or chase it forever.
Speaker:Because if you're never feeling successful, then you're just
Speaker:chasing it and you will never experience it.
Speaker:And I mean this from an emotional and mental perspective.
Speaker:No matter what's on paper, if you can't acknowledge that you're
Speaker:successful now and feel that now, chances are you will never be able to feel
Speaker:it, no matter what's on paper.
Speaker:And so essentially, you will never experience it
Speaker:if you're feeling like you're not making it despite all of your hard work.
Speaker:Pause for a second. Look at how much you've already built.
Speaker:Look at what, who you've become, right?
Speaker:Like, for example, I have this conversation all the time too, with, with.
Speaker:With clients and other coaches who really struggle with visibility.
Speaker:And it's a hard one.
Speaker:It's a hard one, especially for Certain personalities, right?
Speaker:So, but even if you have just begun, and you are, let's
Speaker:say, getting out there and posting on social media consistently and regularly,
Speaker:maybe you're creating some videos here and there or sending some emails out, you
Speaker:know, that is level of visibility.
Speaker:And look at who you've become as a result of doing that.
Speaker:Meaning that wasn't you.
Speaker:A year ago, you wouldn't.
Speaker:You wouldn't have dared to do any of that, right?
Speaker:But you are now.
Speaker:So look at everything that you've built and look at who you've already become.
Speaker:Okay?
Speaker:Feeling frustrated or impatient with success is normal.
Speaker:And it often means that you're on the right track.
Speaker:I know that sounds a little cliche to say, but it's true.
Speaker:I've said it before.
Speaker:Growth doesn't always feel good in the moment.
Speaker:It's hard.
Speaker:Or doing the hard things every day that nobody sees, right?
Speaker:It's hard sometimes.
Speaker:It's hard to put yourself out there and be visible and be vulnerable.
Speaker:It's hard to learn a new skill and apply it.
Speaker:It's hard to build something that you've never built before, Right?
Speaker:It's hard to keep at it day in and day out.
Speaker:It's hard to lose a client.
Speaker:It's hard to continue working at growing your list.
Speaker:It's hard to create all the content. Right?
Speaker:The list goes on and on.
Speaker:Yes, it is hard, but it does get easier and it changes who you are.
Speaker:That is success.
Speaker:Doing all of those things.
Speaker:That is success.
Speaker:Growth doesn't always feel good in the moment.
Speaker:The more you recognize the success you're creating now, the more momentum that you
Speaker:build and build for where you're going next.
Speaker:Remember that you're making decisions today that are for future you.
Speaker:So as long as you keep going now, future you is going to
Speaker:experience the payoff, right?
Speaker:If only I could convince myself of that with exercise.
Speaker:Not there yet.
Speaker:And she will be so, so happy that you didn't give up, that you put in all this
Speaker:hard work so that she could experience the payoff.
Speaker:Because there isn't some magical place where you finally feel successful unless
Speaker:you actually pause to feel successful now. Un.
Speaker:You take the time to train your brain to recognize success, recognize reaching
Speaker:a goal post before it moves it, right?
Speaker:Then you'll never feel it later here in the learning, the implementing and
Speaker:the becoming is where real success happens.
Speaker:Now, I hope that this has been helpful for you, especially if you're a coach who's
Speaker:really struggling with that feeling of wanting to be there already,
Speaker:wanting to experience that success.
